Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
