Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
