even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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