I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
