Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
