All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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