Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
