He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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