FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize