i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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