i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
