whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize