This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
