i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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