Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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