Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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