so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
