I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
