He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
