if i can run in heels then i can drive
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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