After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
