i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
