last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
