So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
