I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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