I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
