god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
