hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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