Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
