How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
