i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
