...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
