Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
