i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
