last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
