two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dating After Heartbreak
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.