I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..