remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
So much rum. So many feels.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration