he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security