I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
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He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
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Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize