grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
