hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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