he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
