He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Randomize
