so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
