I will die if light touches me.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
