I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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