she smelled like a LAN party
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
