alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
