Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Sober January is a disaster.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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