first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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