He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
