It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
