I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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