lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You can't motorboat a personality
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize