I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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