I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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