heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
