we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
