batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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