if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
and you fell through a lawn chair
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
