i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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