Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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