my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My balls are so social today.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
