ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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