Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
my nose is crying tears of wow.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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