Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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