..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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