dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
